"...love-lingering glances, fairytale romances..."

that's a line from a song by amy macdonald...
the song kind of fits to what has happened in the last few weeks in my life...

some of you know that i have been into this whole internet-dating-thingie for a while...i met another guy every few weeks and was emailing and phoning with several different ones at a time...
that sounds desperate, but actually it was more of interesting game for me...getting to know people, meeting them...of course you always think: oh, maybe this is the one...but i wasn't taking it too seriously and didn't put my heart into it...

but of course: life is full of surprises and the big new surprise in my life is a person. his name is florian...
he has been in my group of friends since the beginning of the year and we had a special connection from the start...but as i was always getting to know some guy on the internet i wasn't paying much attention to this connection...he was "just" a friend....
but a few weeks ago he asked me for a date and after the second one we realised that this is more than just friendship...
i am really happy and it is just great to see how a small seed of attraction and sympathy starts to grow...

here's a pic of us...actually the only one i have at the moment, so ignore the cigarette, okay? ;-)

and that is a pic of him with his eyes open...;-)

tattoo update

well....the artwork on my leg continued a little after the last pic...
that's how it looked 2 days after the really painful 2-hour-sitting...all red and swollen...

tattoos and stuff...

i got a new tattoo 2 weeks ago...

some of you might think: when is she actually going to grow up?? that's at least what my mum said...and maybe she is right! ;-)

but i don't care...people always ask me stuff like: what if you don't like it anymore in 10 years?

i totally understand that kind of thinking, but i also realize that i am not that kind of a rational person...i like it NOW...i don't know if i will still like it in 10 years...i don't know if i will be even alive by then... ;-)

for me, life is too short and to precious not to do what i want to do...and if i am changing my mind and regret that tattoo...so be it! ( i guess the laser-technology will improve a lot in the next 10 years...;-)...but that's not the point...)

when i became a christian i thought: okay, now i have to take out all my piercings and forget about tattoos and all that superficial stuff in my life...but i never forgot about it...i'm still into it...everytime i see someone with a good tattoo i get excited and so i decided to cover my old tattoos. i got them 15 years ago and of course i don't like them anymore... ;-)

so now, i want to get them tattooed over and enjoy them actually...

here's a pic of my cover-up that i got 2 weeks ago. the pic was taken right after the 1,5 hour session...it is not finished yet...i plan to get pretty much my whole foot tattooed with motives that will match my sparrow...

letting go...

hey everybody out there...

let me tell you something...i am doing GREAT! the funny thing about this is that i don't really understand fully why i am doing great, cause i should be really sad and dissapointed right now...remember the guy i told you about? we are not seeing each other any longer. there were just not enough feelings and other things that didn't work out the way we hoped for...
the first two or three days i felt really crappy...just empty and sad and hurt...but then, very unexpected, i felt at peace, at ease, even happy about the decision to let go...
that made me realise that we sometimes hold on to something that is not the very best God wants to give us. but we hold on to it, because we are afraid to stand there emptyhanded instead.
here's a story a friend sent me this morning...
(by the way: you guys are awesome! thank you so much for your prayers, sms, emails...i am blessed!)

Why is it so hard to let go?

The cheerful girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five. Waiting with her
mother at the checkout stand, she saw them, a circle of glistening
white pearls in a pink foil box. "Oh please, Mommy. Can I have them? Please,
Mommy, please?"

Quickly the mother checked the back of the little foil box and then looked
back into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl's upturned face.

"A dollar ninety-five. That's almost $2.00. If you really want them, I'll
think of some extra chores for you and in no time you can save enough money
to buy them for yourself. Your birthday's only a week away and you might get
another crisp dollar bill from Grandma."

As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her penny bank and counted out 17
pennies. After dinner, she did more than her share of chores and she went
to the neighbor and asked Mrs. Mc James if she could pick dandelions for ten
cents.

On her birthday, Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and at last she
had enough money to buy the necklace.

Jenny loved her pearls. They made her feel dressed up and grown up. She
wore them everywhere; Sunday school, kindergarten, even to bed. The only
time she took them off was when she went swimming or had a bubble bath.
Mother said if they got wet, they might turn her neck green.

Jenny had a very loving daddy and every night when she was ready for bed, he
would stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her a story. One
night when he finished the story, he asked Jenny, "Do you love me?"

"Oh yes, Daddy. You know that I love you."

"Then give me your pearls."

"Oh, Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have Princess - the white horse from
my collection. The one with the pink tail. Remember, Daddy? The one
you gave me. She's my favorite."
"That's okay, Honey. Daddy loves you. Good night." And he brushed her cheek
with a kiss.

About a week later, after the story time, Jenny's daddy asked again, "Do you
love me?"

"Daddy, you know I love you."

"Then give me your pearls."

"Oh Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have my baby doll. The brand new one I
got for my birthday. She is so beautiful and you can have the yellow blanket
that matches her sleeper."

"That's okay. Sleep well. God bless you, little one. Daddy loves you." And
as always, he brushed her cheek with a gentle kiss.

A few nights later when her daddy came in, Jenny was sitting on her bed
with her legs crossed Indian-style. As he came close, he noticed her chin
was trembling and one silent tear rolled down her cheek.

"What is it, Jenny? What's the matter?" Jenny didn't say anything but
lifted her little hand up to her daddy. And when she opened it, there was
her little pearl necklace. With a little quiver, she finally said, "Here,
Daddy. It's for you."

With tears gathering in his own eyes, Jenny's kind daddy reached out with
one hand to take the dime-store necklace, and with the other hand he reached
into his pocket and pulled out a blue velvet case with a strand of genuine
pearls and gave them to Jenny. He had them all the time. He was just waiting
for her to give up the dime-store stuff so he could give her genuine treasure.

So it is with our Heavenly Father. He is waiting for us to give up the cheap
things in our lives so that he can give us beautiful treasure.

Isn't God good? Are you holding onto things which God wants you to let go of?

Are you holding on to harmful or unnecessary partners, relationships, habits
and activities which you have come so attached to that it seems impossible to
let go of? Sometimes it is so hard to see what is in the other hand, but do
believe this one thing...

God will never take away something without giving you something, better to
take its place.

sometimes God might NOT give us something bigger and better instantly...i do not believe that is the way it works...but he gives us peace and joy and a relationship with Himself...and everytime i am feeling low i experience that He is a REAL and LIVING God, who cares, who is there, who loves me and carries me all the way...it's not the gifts that he can give us that should matter...it's just knowing Him!

Blessings! :-)

Happy Holidays...

wow...time flies...it's time for a little update i guess...
i just came back from two short-trips to Berlin and Dublin...

To Berlin i went with three friends very spontanously and i so enjoyed it! Before i left we didn't have much sun in Germany, but the day my holidays started until now the sun hasn't stopped shining and i really needed that after this loooong and cold winter!





To Dublin i went with my Mum....she always wanted to go to Ireland one day, after reading some novels about it...we stayed in a nice little hotel in Temple Bar and enjoyed the business of this crazy city, some Guiness of course, company of old friends, a day-trip to Wicklow and Glendalough and some good SHOPPING! :-)





what else is new? well, hmm... maybe it might be intersting to some of you that i met a cool christian guy in march and we have been getting to know each other over the last few months...so, yes, i'm in a relationship and it is really exciting!
i will keep you posted... *gg*

Miriam times 2

aaaaand...another OM reunion!!
it's been 5 years since these crazy dutch girls and I met in South Africa...a lot has changed in our lives since then, but our friendship remained!
and luckily Herman and Bonny from SA were in Mosbach on a conference the same weekend...so we could celebrate a little mini reunion of our Training Team 2003---
here are some pics of the boschkop survivors! :-)

Happy Valentines with Hosea!

it's valentines day...not such a big thing in germany, but i read something this morning and it feels like a valentines card from God...
i wanna share this with you:

"Then the Lord said to me: Go again, love a woman who is loved by a lover and is comitting adultery, just like the love of the Lord for the children of Israel, who look to other gods and love the raisin cakes of the pagans." Hosea 3,1

No human can comprehend God's love for his children! Our limited experience of human love hinders us from understanding God's unconditional love for us. We can see a picture of this love in the life of Hosea.
Hosea was a righteous man, but God told him to marry a sinful woman. Hosea obeyed and took Gomer as his wife. He cherished and treated her with dignity and respect. Never before had Gomer experienced this kind of love, but she soon grew dissatisfied. She began giving her affections to other men and finally she abandoned Hosea altogether. Other men used her until she had nothing left to give. Then they sold her into slavery. After this God gave Hosea an amazing command: "Go and buy her back." Despite the intense pain that Gomer had inflicted on him, God told Hosea to forgive her and pay any price to bring her back into his home.
God's message is clear: When we reject him and turn our devotion elsewhere, our rejection carries the same pain as an adulterous betrayal. After all God has done for us, it is incomprehensible that we should reject him. It is even harder to fathom that God could love us even after we have rejected, ignored and disobeyed him. Yet God's love is completely different from ours. His love follows us into the depths of our sinfulness until He reclaimed us. His love is undaunted when we run from him, and he continues to pursue us..." (H.Blackaby)

wow, that really touched me this morning...i forget so easily how passionate and strong the love of God is....and it makes me happy! it makes me wanna forget about my personal raisin cakes and come back to him once more...

2007/2008

Good-bye 2007 and welcome 2008!

it always strikes me how quick a year passes!!
i'm back home from the ship for over 2 years now...really scary thought!

i love the reviews in TV where they show all that has happened in 2007! i would love to see some kind of review like that from my own life...maybe God will show each of us a movie one day that sums up the highlights and lowlights of our life...who knows?

yeah, it's New Years, a good time to look back and make plans for the future.
when i look back at 2007, i can really say that it was a good year! i'm thankful for many nice memories, meeting old and new friends, saying good-byes and hellos, seeing new countries, visiting people and having guests, learning new things about God, about myself, getting the chance to develop some skills in my profession, seeing our cell-group growing together more and more, being involved in ministry and seeing people getting saved, ...
Thank you dear Father for every single minute of this past year! You are such an amazing and faithful God! Thank you for loving me and loving every person who reads this! This New Year 2008 is yours!
May we all get to know you better, love you more, serve you more faithfully and experience your love and goodness in a fresh way!
Bless us and use us to fulfill your purpose in this world!

Many blessings to all of you! Stay in touch!

a letter from hell...

hey guys! watch this and tell me what you think of it! watch it till the end though!

abundant life!

...soooo much has happened in the last few weeks!

where to start?

three weeks after my trip to thailand i sat in a plane again! this time with my friend Karin and the destination was Dublin! i really don't know how all these cheap airlines pay there bills (actually i don't wanna know!!), but i am glad they do their job!! ;-)

we planned to have a girls weekend off, but of course it turned out to be something totally different....as always when Doulos people meet...random and crazy stuff happens! i love it!! ;-)

anyway, my plans for this weekend were as boring as shopping and sightseeing...but it ended up being a road-trip with Dave and Marco to Belfast visiting Sandi!! We even got to see Andrew, Colin and Jennifer as well!!!

it wasn't just a fun time- even though i laughed so much that my facial muscles hurt!

i was so blessed to see all these great people again and i realized once more that there is such a strong bond of friendship between Douloids... i was just the happiest person i can be -sitting in this car (with Andrew in the trunk!) -being so surprised by God's goodness!

Thank you Dave for arranging all of it! :-)

Coming back to germany in the middle of the night i had to start my managment course in the morning! i am back at school!! for one year i will go to school every month for one week. the result will be something like a mentor for nursing-students and the position of a manager of a unit.

and i really like it! i think i will learn a lot this year and it is fun to be back in school....eben though we are all adults in this class...you fall back into this "school-feeling" ...and behaviour! :-)

i am even thinking of extending the course for another year to get some more qualifications...it's a scary thought, cause this would mean a real "career" ... the result of another year at school would be the leader or manager of all nurses in a hospital or old-age home, something like that, combined with business studies...i think it is called "superior nurse" in english (which sounds ridiculous!!)...

i never ever thought about it before and it would mean sacrificing a lot of time, energy and money (my hospital won't pay for this course, cause obviously every hospital needs just ONE superior nurse)...but it may be worth it!

i need a lot of wisdom with this decision!!

now, the last weekend i went to a retreat with my church...which was also great!

God challenged me to let go of attributes in my personality that i use to protect myself...which i wasn't really aware of...but i realize that i often laugh or make jokes just because people expect me to always be funny and entertaining and sarcastic...and i want to please them and maybe i even think that no one will "see" me, when i am just "normal"...

hm, difficult subject- cause where do i know from which character-trait is my real "me"? and what character-trait is just wearing a mask?

well....that's the stuff that keeps me busy at the moment...i guess that was enough for a quick update... ;-)

some random pics of the last few weeks:

amazing thailand!

i am back!!
i don't know why i was worried so much about this trip to thailand before...it was just great! i mean really great!
my friend eva and me did this group-travelling-thingie, which i don't like in general, but we were lucky to have a fun group of people!
we travelled about 3000km in 2 weeks, spending time in Bangkok, travelling up north to Chang Mei, visiting different national parks, sleeping in the jungle, trekking through the rainforest (by foot and by elephant!), driving around in TukTuks, doing boat-trips, riding bikes through villages, eating tons of yummieh thai-food (and learning how to cook green curry!), getting massages every other day, drinking Mai Tai every evening....finally we went to an island, Ko Chang and crashed at the beach before we had to go back home....
man, how i love travelling!
here are some pictures:

elephant trekking in the jungle

kids playing in the canals of Bangkok

rice fields in central thailand

beach on Ko Chang

handmade crafts in Chang Mei

on a lotus-farm near Bangkok

in a speed-boat on the Kwae River

i am really grateful for an awesome time, stunned by the beautiful nature in thailand!

aaaand i also have another reason to be thankful: my new flatmate Sara moved in while i was away and she is really a great person! it's fun getting to know her better and see that God has really brought the right girl along to share this flat with me! :-)

tomorrow i have to go back to work, but i'm actually looking forward to it...and the best motivation is anyway that i can start saving money now for my next trip.... :-)

32 things about me

i just read jessikas blog and follwed her example...


32 Things You May or May Not Know About Me

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. worked at at supermarket
2. waitress (very short experience cause i didn't do a very good job...)
3. washing dishes on a certain ship for one year...;-)
4. international-night coordinator (whatever that is! ;-))

Four movies I would watch over and over:
1. Harry and Sally
2. Bridget Jones
3. Love actually
4. Lost in translation


Four places I have lived:
1. Heidelberg, Germany
2. Cape Town, South Africa
3. Pretoria, South Africa
4. MV DOULOS

Four TV Shows that I watch:
(not regularly though)
1. Auf und davon (german documentary-soap about german au-pairs and their struggles in other cultures.....very funny!)
2. Popstars (like the IDOL-show in other countries)
3. TV Total (german comedian with a very black humor)
4. Türkisch für Anfänger (daily soap about a turkish-german patchwork family)

Four places I have been:
1. New York, USA
2. Victoria Falls, Zimbabwe
3. Stockholm, Sweden
4. Khartoum, Sudan


Four of my favorite foods:
1. Chinese and Thai-Food
2. all kinds of cakes and sweet stuff
3. fresh german bread with nutella
4. müsli and joghurt with fresh fruits

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. visiting friends around the globe
2. for example: Canada
3. Holland
4. South Africa

Things I am looking forward to in the coming year (2008):
1. Travelling to the US or Australia
2. Finishing my course in leadership (as a unit nurses leader)
3. taking my mum to Ireland
4. having old friends here to visit (that's an open invitation!)

by the way, i'm heading to thailand on saturday for a vacation with a friend...I'm a little nervous due to the political issues in burma and all the horrific stuff about plane crashes and hurricanes in the news....i KNOW that everything is in God's hands and i don't have to worry about a thing...but i'd still appreciate your prayers for us two girls! thanks guys! :-)

LIFE

i often wonder what it means when jesus says that he wants to give us LIFE and LIFE to the fullest (john10,10)...

i really love LIFE....just the miracle that i am, that i breathe, that i see, that i smell, taste, experience new things...the beauty of nature and seasons, the wonder of birth, the gift of friendship and love! it does amaze me often...especially in the last few weeks, since i came back from a dutch wedding of my friend mirjam from SA Training...i thought a lot about friendship and how important and vital my friends are to me! even though i don't see some of them often, due to the fact that a lot of my dearest friends live hundreds, even thousands of miles away--- the moment i see them again, like at the wedding, or talk to them at the phone...i am so blessed and thankful for each one of them! everyone is so unique and different from each other, but each of them touches me in a special way and i can just thank my God for them!
so that's something i realized and i wanna just let you know when you read this: i love you and even though i don't see you very often, you are soooooo important to me! :-)

unfortunately most of my time and energy is not spend with the things and people that i love the most...i feel so drained and tired at the moment!
i love my job, sometimes so much that it hurts, but it is challenging and hard and in the last few weeks i've had not much time off...and the little time i had was spend with other responsibilities and dutys...or crashed on my couch, not able to do anything but sleep...
i don't want to complain, i know each of you knows what i'm talking about: LIFE is not only fun and beauty and bliss...
but sometimes it seems like there is a balance between duties and fun...and sometimes there isn't...

and while i'm writing this and thinking about my LIFE and LIFE in general i wonder again what Jesus means when he says that he wants to give me life to the fullest? my life is full indeed...but i still feel like i am missing out on what he actually wants to give me, cause i am so freaking busy!

do you know what i mean??

what does "normal" actually mean??

You Are 55% Normal

While some of your behavior is quite normal... Other things you do are downright strange You've got a little of your freak going on But you mostly keep your weirdness to yourself

How Normal Are You?

i know that these little blog things are mostly for fun....but it kind of strikes me when i read something like this....cause i heard that before? or cause that's what i think in my heart? i know you shouldn't compare yourself with other people...but who doesn't do it?? of course i "feel normal" inside...but am i really?? :-)
okay guys, this is a serios question: do you think i am weird??
(if i don't like what you say i will simply delete it from my blog (and memory!)....so, don't hesitate to tell me the truth! ;-)

i am a cappuccino!

You Are a Cappuccino

You're fun, outgoing, and you love to try anything new. However, you tend to have strong opinions on what you like. You are a total girly girly at heart - and prefer your coffee with good conversation. You're the type that seems complex to outsiders, but in reality, you are easy to please

What Kind of Coffee Girl Are You?

the flat-mate issue...

...is solved!

I found a really nice girl, named Sara, who will move in with me in october! Praise God! :-)
it really was a "God-thing"....many people looked at the room (and me) in the last few weeks and i couldn't really see myself living here with any of them. they were all nice, but i just didn't have the peace about saying yes to any of them. two weeks ago i decided to give it a last try and wrote an email to all the churches in my city and let them know that i have a nice room available for a girl...two days later sara called. she came and looked at the room and we chatted naturally and both decided very spontanously to sign the contract right away.
she had exactly 4 days to find a place to stay in heidelberg, cause she had to fly to Taiwan last wednesday already to work there for two months. that is quite a short time to find something, especially as she was also looking for another christian to live with. she called a church in heidelberg if they knew someone that looks for a flatmate. they said no to her, but shortly after that they received my email and contacted her.
she is 24 and a lot like my recent flat-mate ina. i think we will get along very well and i'm really thankful that everything worked out at the end, as it always does... when you trust ther Lord for it! :-)
so, problem solved....thank you to all who were praying with me!

hot hot summer

i LOVE travelling!! even if it is "only" in germany...

i had two weeks of holiday and cause i'm saving up money for a big trip to thailand in october, i visited family and friends in germany...and had the most wonderful time with my cousine and her family in nürnberg (bavaria) and with my friend christiane and her husband in dresden (east-germany)...

here are some pics:

my cousine and her family

christiane and me drinking caipirinha

family pitz

my friend from heidelberg who came with me to dresden

i realized that i really need to get away once in a while...it was so good to see different places and people and do other things than you usually do...i feel refreshed and enriched by these weeks and friendships.... ready to go back to work tomorrow! :-)))

p.s. still looking for a house-mate though...please keep on praying with me!

what's new?

hey there,

i just returned from a retreat for cell-group leaders...
it was so good to go away for a few days with a small group of people and concentrate on other things than everyday stuff, like work and shopping and insurances and cleaning...
we had a great time of sharing, worshipping and praying together. i feel refreshed and got new ideas for our cell-group, a new passion for the people in our group and how to serve them in a better way!
one thing that still sticks in my mind is that we always view the world and the people around us with glasses made of our personality, experiences etc... there is always more than one side of looking at something. every coin has two sides. when i am impatient, that also means that i have a clear focus and i am working towards something.
i also understood that i am not able to meet everybodies needs and expectations around me...and that i don't have to!
and that we have to have a clear vision for our cell-group. otherwise we are going nowhere!

a lot of things are on my heart and mind now and i am excited to see what God will do with all of that....;-)

change of topic:
i am still searching for a new flat-mate!!!
some girls were here already. with two ladies i knew instantly that it wouldn't work and with one girl i am not quite sure yet...
it is such an important decision for me to make, so i have to be careful not to rush into something, for money or safety reasons...which is difficult for me, cause i like to have things over and done with, so i don't have to worry about them any longer...
but the longer i am looking for someone i realise how important it is for me to share this flat with another believer!
please pray with me for God to send just the perfect person! :-)))

hope that all of you are alive and kickin'!!!

“ In quietness and trust shall be your strength!"

Isaiah 30,15

put God first

Actually i am pretty content with my life right now... it is great to see that God doesn't stop stretching you and your faith once you leave the mission-field!
the first year at home was a "piece of cake", which was good, cause i really needed some rest...but in the last few months a lot of stuff happenend and i can really see that God put me back on his work-bench...
i'm learnig so much about being a leader...being a leader at work it is different from being a group-leader in the alpha-course, which is again different from being a cell-group-leader...but i can see that God wants me to grow in this area, take on responsibility and serve people... and i love it! there are a lot of challenges and i discover a new area of weakness every day, which is humbling....but it is also a lot of fun!
nothing new with the "flat-mate-situation"...still looking for a nice girl to move in with me...but i am not stressing about it anymore...i'm sure God will work something out that fits perfectly...i experienced His help so many times that i'm able to relax more and more and simply trust Him...


" PUT GOD FIRST"

"Put Trust in God first. Our Lord never put His trust in any person. Yet He was never suspiciuos, never bitter, and never lost hope for anyone, because He put His trust in God first. He trusted absolutely in what God's grace could do for others. If I put my trust in human beings first, the end result will be despair and hopelessness toward everyone. I will become bitter because I have insisted that people be what no person can ever be - absolutely perfect and right.
Never trust anything in yourself or in anyone else, except the grace of God."

Good stuff, ey?

never pray that....

...you want life to be more exciting!!!
i prayed that the other day and i regret it already....i guess what I think is exciting and God's perspective of it is different from each other!!

the first thing that happenend is that i got an offer from the hospital i work, that they would send me to get a special qualification as a leader...i would be away from work for months to get a special managers training which they would pay for me....sounds like a no-brainer, but of course there are some conditions attached: i would have to make a committment to the hospital for three years after the training, or i would have to pay back the money this course costs....10.000 Euro!! (about 15.000 US Dollar!!!) okaaaayyyy.... i really need to pray about this, cause i want to be open to whatever God wants me to do...I'm having a hard time though to committ to 3 years....waht if God wants to me to to missions again next year?? you see, i really need some wisdom here....got any advice???

the SECOND thing that happend was that Ina, my flat-mate, just told me today that she will move out in september, cause she found a cheaper place to live...we got along really well and i am a little crushed, cause now i have to start searching for someone else to move in here....it is way to expensive to afford it by myself! and it has to "fit" of course.... i would appreciate your prayers guys!!

so, the moral of the story is: never pray for more excitement! ;-)