...i hate being sick!!

i absolutely hate being sick!
it's not the physical part of it that i hate the most---of course i don't like that as well--- but i just hate being unable to do the things i like to do...instead i have to lie around at home and just wait until i feel better...
maybe it's also the realisation that i'm not much of a deep thinker...i just take life as it comes usually...now that i have much more time- i start thinking about every little detail and that is scary! i really wish i was more of an introvert, cause as an extrovert like me, being all by myself for a longer period of time (like half an hour!) is NO FUN!
the funniest thing is...i'm 31 years old- but when i'm sick i just wanna have my mummy around! guess what: she is not here!! :-((
so, i'm in a totally depressed mood...
but hey, next week is going to be great! my good DOULOS-friend from canada is coming over for a few days to visit...i just have to survive this serious illness!! ;-)

wedding bells!!

I just came back from Andrea's and Arun's wedding!!! What a blast!!

It was a beautiful ceremony, really really God-centered and really really "Andrea-style"... :-)

It was soooo cool to be there and of course to meet some Ex-Douloids again and catch up!! Some got married in the meantime, some have children now....so many stories to tell!
What really amazed me (again) was how GREAT it is to meet up with ships' people! It does not even matter if they were close friends back then...this experience was so rich and intense, it just binds you together in a way that i haven't experienced before...i so enjoyed this weekend, sleeping on the floor in the church, chatting all night, meeting new people and of course seeing Andrea and Arun finally get married!!!

yeah...still sitting here and smiling...
just wanna say to all of you Ex-Doulois out there....i miss you guys!

....finally!!

Your Hair Should Be Orange

Expressive, deep, and one of a kind. You pull off "weird" well - hardly anyone notices.

What's Your Funky Inner Hair Color?

now, at last i know!!!

Follow Me

i love sundays...as a nurse i'm not always OFF as most people are....and so i consider the sundays that i do not have to work as very special...and this weekend my flatmate ina is not here either, so it is quiet and i just love the feeling that i'm on my own....just me and God!

the last weeks have been really busy and.... i dunno...kind of "dark"...maybe it's the horrible weather we have here these days...
normally i'm a very extrovert kind of person, but the last few weeks i enjoyed the times alone very much and i didn't go out as much as usual...

okay, and now there's the text that inspires me today...i always like the challenging stuff i guess:

"We can take God's presence for granted. We can assume that because Jesus said He would be with us ALWAYS, He will follow us wherever we go. Jesus does not follow us. We are to follow Him. Jesus said: "You did not choose me, but I chose you" (John 15,16) Following Jesus requires absolut obedience. He does not seek our counsel about which direction we think is suitable. God already knows what is best without ever having to consult with us.
Following Jesus will lead you into experiences you never dreamed of! You will be with Jesus as He weeps over those trapped in sin. You will feel the pain that Jesus feels. You will see those who were spiritually blind experiencing the joy of coming to see God for the first time. You will see lives that were broken made whole. You will see marriages restored; those in bondage released; and those who mourn comforted. At times it will be easy to follow Jesus. At other times you will be tempted to abandon Him. Following Jesus can mean going through a storm or standing on a mountaintop.
He is God, and you are not. Are you willing to follow Jesus anywhere, at any time, under any condition? That is the only way you can follow him."

yesterday i watched the movie "blood diamond" about the civil war in africa, corruption and how people kill each other for money....there's this reporter girl in the movie that wants to fight against all that...sometimes i'm so sad when i see how comfortable i got, being back from the mission field...i know God called me to be here and it is the place where i am supposed to be right now...but when is see how desperate the situation is at other ends of the world, i could cry and i'm about to pack my bags and go and do something about it...

...no worries!

...i am alive and well!
actually i think i haven't posted in a while BECAUSE i am alive and well....too much is going on...i really enjoy work, church, friends....life in general i'd say! :-)

i thought i'd let you know before you start wondering what's going on...
:-)
i hope i have some more meaningful things to tell you next time...but that's all for now!

have a good one!!!

I am rich!!!

hey...this is amazing....you think you are "poor" compared to others...check this out and you get a realistic view of how welathy you truely are!!!

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"God says: See, I am doing a new thing!

...now it springs up do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland,
to give drink to my people, my chosen, the people I formed for myself,
that they may proclaim my praise."

Isaiah 43, 19-21

well...i like these verses a lot! maybe because i like "new things"... ;-)
no, i don't mean "stuff"...i like new beginnings and the feeling that something new is about to start...this feeling of expectation, anticipation! awesome! :-)))

so, a new year has started...2007! wow, that almost sounds like science fiction, don't you think? (actually...the other day i stood at the gas-station and while i was putting the gas into my car they showed me some commercials and video-clips on a screen...i was quite stunned at how "futuristic" stuff became in the last few years...anyway...)

I wonder what will happen in 2007! when i read the verses above i feel like a little kid, all excited about what its' father is going to do...
and the adult in me says: what's going to happen in 2007??? nothing! don't be silly...everything's going to stay the same, there's nothing new under the sun!
but i'd rather trust the little kid in me and i want to trust God who promises that HE is going to do something BRAND-NEW for ME!

and what does ossi say to this topic?

"Have you been asking God what he is going to do? He will never tell you. God does not tell you what He is going to do- He reveals to you who He is. Do you believe in a miracle-working God, and will you go out in complete surrender to Him until you are not surprised one iota by anything He does?"


To all of you a great 2007!!

Merry Christmas!!

In Germany we celebrate Christmas mostly TODAY...it's the 24th od december...the "holy evening"!!!
...as a kid i was so excited that by now my grandparents would have taken me on a walk, so i would get a little distracted and my parents could get some time to prepare everything at home. It's a little sad that the excitement gets less and less when you grow up and become an adult, isn't it?? I mean, yes, as a kid christmas is all about receiving gifts and as we get older that particular part of christmas is not all too important anymore, but i still think that we should be excited about the greatest gift of all...God giving us His own Son and with Him eternal life!

I want to get excited about that with the excitement of a little child! Like for parents it must be the biggest joy for God to see the happiness in His childrens eyes when they receive the gift(s) that He has for them!!

I read something today that really touched me and i want to share it with you:

"Blessed is she who believed, for there will be a fulfillment of

those things wehich where told her from the Lord."

Luke 1,45

In the kingdom of God, believing is a prerequisite to receiving.

God spoke to Mary and gave the assurance He always gives

when He assigns the impossible to His people.

Once she believed, it was done!

It takes an undivided heart to believe and a pure heart to see God.

This has always been God's way with His people.

Mary could not see all that had been arranged and assembled in the courts of heaven.

She could not see the legions of angels prepared to prtotect her and her baby.

She was unaware of the future and all that she and her child would face.

All she knew was that God had spoken to her, and that was enough.

So she responded:

"Behold the maidservant of the Lord. Let it be to me according to your word."

You cannot possibly imagine all that God has in store for you when you trust Him.

Will you believe Him?

from "Experiencing God Day-by-Day" H.T. Blackaby

Wow!! I don't know about you, but it kind of thrills me to realize that believing in the promises of God will open up the way for God to act in my life!

Have a merry Christmas, my friends! I hope you have a really great time with your families!!

Much love!!

from dusk 'til dawn

this is not about quentin tarantino (even though i have to admit that i like his movies)...

...it's about the miracle that God does in a human heart!
...i am so stunned and amazed at the way God deals with us in such a personal, intimate way...over the last month or so i have really experienced how REAL and RELIABLE He is and I have fallen even deeper in love with Him!
...i mean...the last month wasn't that funny...but i learned again soooo much about me, about God, about LIFE! this is not a new lesson or anything extraordinary, it's so basic...
...like on the picture ahead:
sometimes we travel on this horrible dark road...which reminds me of the "fog" I talked about earlier...and everything seems...well: dark!...nothing around you is able to give you any comfort or happiness and you feel like this journey is not worth it...but somehow, slowly you realize that the fog is getting thinner, that light shines through, that you can look ahead and actually see something...not sure what it is...but how great to be able to SEE again!! there is hope and joy slowly rising in your heart...you look back and are thankful that one bad part of the journey is over!

i realize that there's sooo much to be thankful for, that i can count my blessings forever and ever and not come to an end, that the biggest blessing is God Himself being with old little me, that i have GREAT friends (YES:YOU!!), that there's so much to look forward to!!!

And the greatest thing on earth is the Peace of God! That no matter what...you may not know where you are right now, or what the future holds, but you (can) know the One that knows it all!

Christmas is coming, my friends!! Are you getting excited??? I am! :-)

...a typical woman??

Some people say that women tend to change their haircut when there's a change in their life...well...peolpe that know ME know that i don't need a reason to go to the hairdresser and change my look... ;-) and really there is no reason for it and i don't think i have any psychological problems, just because i like creativity and try out new things...
So...here's the newest (is that a word??) look----I'm sure i will get all these different opinions now from...i thought short and blonde suits you better to...i liked it better when it was longer and red... :-)) but hey...I like it!!!

bring it on, ossi!!

I'm a fan of Oswald Chambers...
...here's what I read today:

"If it was God's will to bruise his own Son, why shouldn't he bruise you?
What shines forth and reveals God in your life is not your relative consistency to an idea of what a saint should be, but your genuine, living relationship with Jesus Christ, and your unrestrained devotion to Him whether you are well or sick."

It's so true isn't it? And I am SO happy that somehow along this journey I have learned this lesson...I'm not doubting God's love when He doesn't do what I'm expecting Him to do, my faith grew stronger over the years and I wanna give Him my unrestrained devotion whether I am well or sick...

And you know what: it's advent! A time of expecting the saviour, a time of anticipation and looking to God for the miracle that only He can do! In German there's a word for Jesus: "Heiland"...I never really got the meaning of it until now...or it never meant anything special to me personally...but now I'm expecting him to be my personal healer in this advent...

have a great advent-time, my friends!
:-)

....ordinary life....

i just thought it's about time to update this....
the last few weeks were pretty ordinary in an typical alex kind of way...;-)
for example work: ....i love my job in the hospital and even though it's hard sometimes working with people that are dying....we have our fun moments there...sometimes too many...;-)
the other day 4 patients died in 3 days and we were really busy. my co-worker put all the papers in order that we have to hang outside of the door where the dead body lies and it was all very hectic. when i checked the papers (thank God i did it!!) i ended up lying on the floor and laughing my head off: instead of the RIGHT paper where it says: time of death etc... she had taken the paper where it says: I'm leaving this hospital against medical advice! :-)))
Soooo funny!! I love my job. i really do...it's so excentric at times!! it fits to me i guess...

PARTY!!!

Yesterday we had a big "house-warming"-party here!

About 40 of our friends joined us and it was soooo cool! People everywhere, laughing, talking, enjoying themselves...what a great evening...the last guests left at 3am and we are very thankful for our nice neighbours, who didn't complain about the noise! :-)

Sorry YOU weren't there...maybe next time?? ;-)

deep thought

How am I doing?
Some days I am an eagle, soaring high above the situation, feeling God lifting me up to a higher place, higher than myself...what an experience! Seeing God's goodness and care despite all issues and heartaches, learning to trust him even more, experiencing his comfort and love!

...and other days I am a stupid chicken and all I can do is flap my wings, not being able to ascend at all...just being sorry for myself...

But hey...whatever you do: never quit and never lose your sense of humor, right? :-)

The angle of good-bye

I got a nice poem today from Ina, my flat-mate...it's called "The angle of good-byes" and I try to translate it for you guys...because it really explains what I'm feeling right now.

The angle of good-byes shall be with you.

When a final good-bye hits you and you don't know what to feel and think,

he shall keep you from the attempt to escape.

May he show you a place for your sorrow.

There you will find precious pictures of your memories to keep,

so nothing gets lost that is valuable for the journey you are on.

May he teach you how to laugh again.

When you relapse into dark thoughts,

may he assure you that God has not forgotten you

and that He will open up new roads for you.

Blessed are those who mourn,

because they will rejoice again!

(Luke 6,21)

Well, what to say when dreams are broken and life doesn't work out the way you hoped it would? What to do when someone you really cared about just doesn't feel the same?
When the road ahead seems dark and foggy and you don't even want to know what's behind that fog, because everything seems so pointless.
I know that sorrow and pain is part of this life and that what we hope and wish for is most often not what God has for us. A hard lesson to learn.

I wrote all that yesterday, and you know what? GOD IS GOOD!
He is a God of comfort and strength, a God of hope and new beginnings, a God who deeply cares about us and loves us passionately with an unchanging everlasting love!!

Today I read a verse in Joshua 1,5: "I will never leave you nor forsake you!"
Such a comfort when the feelings of people and the decisions they make are like the waves of the sea. God is different. He won't change his mind about us. Ever. His love is eternal, like a rock! What a joy to know Him and what grace to be able to call Him My Father!
To know that whatever happens in life, all the trials we have to go through...He will be there, right by your side, happy to help and willing to carry you through!
What more can I ask for? What more can YOU ask for?
Be blessed my friends and send a little prayer to heaven for me! ;-)

this reminds me of something...never mind...;-)

adopt your own virtual pet!

...and one more...

People keep asking me if I run my own private Doulos-Re-entry-Program and the answer is YES! If YOU want to join the "white couch fraction" as well you are more than welcome!! :-)
I just had the opportunity to see Martha from South Africa again...it's just a privilidge to live so close to Mosbach where loads of Ex-Ships-People come through on their way home...

Other than hosting people (which I always looked forward to back on the ship) I'm also doing very well...
I still enjoy my job in the hospital- got a promotion and work now as an Assistant Nurses Leader on my unit, which is a challenge, but very rewarding as well.
Church-wise I'm part of the new Alpha-Course-Team: what a blessing!! Being involved in what God is doing right here and right now is AWESOME!!
And to all the people who keep asking me about "the new man in my life"...his name is Mirko and even though building a deep relationship with someone is not the easiest task ever (how did the SP couples handle that with all the pressure on the ship I wonder????) I'm very happy and blessed!! I keep you updated... ;-)

Miss Cow-Eyes and me...

...don't you think that this girl on my right has the biggest, roundest eyes ever?? she wanted me to say eyes as a deer...but I just see this beautiful cow-lady in front of me when I see Ema's eyes...don't you???

more friends...

...my little "Big Sister" Miriam from Austria came to visit me...and slept on my WHITE sofa...haha...

Thanks for being here! :-)

Tribute to Ina

I want to introduce you to Ina!
She's my flat-mate and she really is an angle! She not only listens to my stories, laughs about my jokes and bears with my many visitors, she also cooks great meals, bakes amazing cakes and just makes this flat into a place where you love to come home to!
Thanks my friend! :-)