counting down...

okay, 99 days to go!
this is really the craziest time in my life! i cannot remember the last time i was so looking forward to something and so full of expectation!
it feels like these last 99 days until our wedding will never ever pass by...
Flo even made a measuring tape for me where i can cut off a centimeter every day! :-)
all these thoughts and preparations for one single day! i am really happy and very much in love with this awesome man that i am going to marry!!!
but i am also glad when the big day is over and we can start our life together...mostly because i feel overwhelmed by all the details that have to be considered and all these decisions that have to be made...
well, i guess there IS life after the wedding and at the moment i wonder how much a time-machine would cost? ;-)

Preparations...

127 days to go...
i guess in have a new hobby! it's called: getting married!!
i never thought that there is so much to plan and organize! when i thought of getting married i always thought only of THE DAY, but from the moment you get engaged until you finally get married it is like you entered into a new phase...the wedding-planner-phase!
my mind is constantly running and even now, where so many big things are already set, like the location is booked and i have the dress, the rings and the invitation cards are ready to be sent out...there are so many details to think of: the decoration, the service, the program, the make-up, the music, renovating my flat, buying furniture, doing a marriage-preparation-course...it is soooo exciting!
one of the best things about it is that you are not alone with that excitement: you can share it with the man you love and with friends and family who are involved...such a cool time, really! being engaged is already so great and sprecial and we are both looking forward to the big day like little children who can't wait for christmas....

Engagement!!!

We are engaged! :-)

He asked me and i said Yes...

It is the weirdest feeling and the best excitement in the world, cause so much goes together with it!

You know that with this person next to you you are going to spend the rest of your life with...comforting but a little scary as well!

And then the whole preparation process starts...we don't want to wait until next year, so we are getting married in october, on the 17th!

now we need to find a location, a dress, we need to send out invitations and look for flowers, decoration, renovate my appartment and so much other stuff...

suddenly the wedding is the only topic in all conversations with friends and family...

but we are both so happy and looking forward to the big day and especially the time AFTER the big day, when we can start a life together, sharing everything...

God is really good and it is so awesome to see how many people are happy with us!

2008/2009

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!

i don't know how you think about 2008...was it a good year, a difficult year? what are your hopes and dreams for 2009? are you looking forward to it or are you anxious?

for me 2008 was one of the best years ever...the theme was friendship, community, new challenges and finally love...
2008 was never boring, one event chasing the next, a rollercoaster of happenings and surprises. but in the middle of all this there was stability and peace, growing out of the great friendships God created...
and the last third of 2008 was just the biggest blessing i have ever received from the Lord! i am so happy and thankful for this growing relationship with flo...i know that i don't deserve this kind of unconditional love he is giving me and i learn so much about God when i look at him! i didn't even dare to hope for anything like this anymore...it is a great gift, and i want to cherish it and handle it with care...
i don't know what 2009 holds for all of us...but i know that we have a good Father in heaven who loves us more than we can think or imagine, that He has great plans for each one of us and that He will fulfill these plans...He knows who we are and what we need, He knows what we wish for and what our hopes and dreams are about, He wants to give us good things and He enjoys to bless us!!

but the biggest blessing is and ever will be:

knowing HIM, loving HIM, serving HIM...

...cause He alone is worthy!

...thanks-giving....

...i know it is a bit early for christmas songs and baking cookies, but december will be quite busy and i work many lateshifts...so flo and me decided spontanously to be very christmasy and -both for the first time- bake together while listening to x-mas carols....and: oh, it was so much fun!!

unbelievable how so ordinary things like making dough can be so amazingly meaningful and precious when you share these moments with someone you are in love with...

probably all those of you who are in a relationship for a longer time will grin now and think: yeah, this will pass by...it will a be "normal" after a while...

i know that...but i so enjoy this special time with this great guy and i am incredibly thankful to God for this season in my life!

diversionary tactic

wow...these past two months have just passed soooo quickly...unbelievable!
i'm sitting here, thinking about what to write while waiting for my yummieh-lasagna to be ready...hmm....actually i should be studying instead of updating this blog, but you know how it is with studying: once you want to start you think of all these important other things that need to be done...like sorting out your wardrobe and stuff like that....arrrgh....i need discipline!!

okay, so on thursday i will finish off with the nursing-management-course i did over the last year...that's when i will have my last exam, the oral one... i'm not really nervous or concerned- since i never had problems before with talking (hahaha) -rather optimistic and excited to finish and get my degree!!
it was an interesting experience to go back to school (even if it was just one week every month). i enjoyed getting to know cool people, but i hated the classes----just like in old times----and that proved my decision right, not to continue with studying, but going back to my job! i guess i'm just more of the hands-on-pracitical-kind-of-person....

what else is going on?
i went to a willow creek congress with 32 people from my church on saturday. it was a congress for cellgroup-leaders. larry crabb was one of the speakers...i love his books and i was impressed by his talk...it really challenged me to get to know the people in my cell-group better, to get beneath superficial conversations about "how it is going" or even bible-study... but to hear the stories of each one, create an atmosphere of trust and openness and allow God to use the group to reveal the lies we believe about ourselves and instead place his truths into our hearts....
i'm so happy and thankful about my church...when i look back and see how much has changed and grown over the last year...PTL!

yeah, and of course the area of my life that I'm mostly occupied with....FLO!
well, what else can i say other than that i'm very happy and in love...sigh...
i think it is true that opposites attract! we are so different in many ways, but somehow these differences complement each other...it is such a tremendous blessing to have him in my life, he is such a great person! :-)))
at the moment he is looking for an appartment to rent somewhere close to where i live...your prayers are much appreciated, cause cheap appartments in heidelberg are hard to find!

that's about it i guess...back to studying!
hope you are all doing well, many blessings!

"...love-lingering glances, fairytale romances..."

that's a line from a song by amy macdonald...
the song kind of fits to what has happened in the last few weeks in my life...

some of you know that i have been into this whole internet-dating-thingie for a while...i met another guy every few weeks and was emailing and phoning with several different ones at a time...
that sounds desperate, but actually it was more of interesting game for me...getting to know people, meeting them...of course you always think: oh, maybe this is the one...but i wasn't taking it too seriously and didn't put my heart into it...

but of course: life is full of surprises and the big new surprise in my life is a person. his name is florian...
he has been in my group of friends since the beginning of the year and we had a special connection from the start...but as i was always getting to know some guy on the internet i wasn't paying much attention to this connection...he was "just" a friend....
but a few weeks ago he asked me for a date and after the second one we realised that this is more than just friendship...
i am really happy and it is just great to see how a small seed of attraction and sympathy starts to grow...

here's a pic of us...actually the only one i have at the moment, so ignore the cigarette, okay? ;-)

and that is a pic of him with his eyes open...;-)

tattoo update

well....the artwork on my leg continued a little after the last pic...
that's how it looked 2 days after the really painful 2-hour-sitting...all red and swollen...

tattoos and stuff...

i got a new tattoo 2 weeks ago...

some of you might think: when is she actually going to grow up?? that's at least what my mum said...and maybe she is right! ;-)

but i don't care...people always ask me stuff like: what if you don't like it anymore in 10 years?

i totally understand that kind of thinking, but i also realize that i am not that kind of a rational person...i like it NOW...i don't know if i will still like it in 10 years...i don't know if i will be even alive by then... ;-)

for me, life is too short and to precious not to do what i want to do...and if i am changing my mind and regret that tattoo...so be it! ( i guess the laser-technology will improve a lot in the next 10 years...;-)...but that's not the point...)

when i became a christian i thought: okay, now i have to take out all my piercings and forget about tattoos and all that superficial stuff in my life...but i never forgot about it...i'm still into it...everytime i see someone with a good tattoo i get excited and so i decided to cover my old tattoos. i got them 15 years ago and of course i don't like them anymore... ;-)

so now, i want to get them tattooed over and enjoy them actually...

here's a pic of my cover-up that i got 2 weeks ago. the pic was taken right after the 1,5 hour session...it is not finished yet...i plan to get pretty much my whole foot tattooed with motives that will match my sparrow...

letting go...

hey everybody out there...

let me tell you something...i am doing GREAT! the funny thing about this is that i don't really understand fully why i am doing great, cause i should be really sad and dissapointed right now...remember the guy i told you about? we are not seeing each other any longer. there were just not enough feelings and other things that didn't work out the way we hoped for...
the first two or three days i felt really crappy...just empty and sad and hurt...but then, very unexpected, i felt at peace, at ease, even happy about the decision to let go...
that made me realise that we sometimes hold on to something that is not the very best God wants to give us. but we hold on to it, because we are afraid to stand there emptyhanded instead.
here's a story a friend sent me this morning...
(by the way: you guys are awesome! thank you so much for your prayers, sms, emails...i am blessed!)

Why is it so hard to let go?

The cheerful girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five. Waiting with her
mother at the checkout stand, she saw them, a circle of glistening
white pearls in a pink foil box. "Oh please, Mommy. Can I have them? Please,
Mommy, please?"

Quickly the mother checked the back of the little foil box and then looked
back into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl's upturned face.

"A dollar ninety-five. That's almost $2.00. If you really want them, I'll
think of some extra chores for you and in no time you can save enough money
to buy them for yourself. Your birthday's only a week away and you might get
another crisp dollar bill from Grandma."

As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her penny bank and counted out 17
pennies. After dinner, she did more than her share of chores and she went
to the neighbor and asked Mrs. Mc James if she could pick dandelions for ten
cents.

On her birthday, Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and at last she
had enough money to buy the necklace.

Jenny loved her pearls. They made her feel dressed up and grown up. She
wore them everywhere; Sunday school, kindergarten, even to bed. The only
time she took them off was when she went swimming or had a bubble bath.
Mother said if they got wet, they might turn her neck green.

Jenny had a very loving daddy and every night when she was ready for bed, he
would stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her a story. One
night when he finished the story, he asked Jenny, "Do you love me?"

"Oh yes, Daddy. You know that I love you."

"Then give me your pearls."

"Oh, Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have Princess - the white horse from
my collection. The one with the pink tail. Remember, Daddy? The one
you gave me. She's my favorite."
"That's okay, Honey. Daddy loves you. Good night." And he brushed her cheek
with a kiss.

About a week later, after the story time, Jenny's daddy asked again, "Do you
love me?"

"Daddy, you know I love you."

"Then give me your pearls."

"Oh Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have my baby doll. The brand new one I
got for my birthday. She is so beautiful and you can have the yellow blanket
that matches her sleeper."

"That's okay. Sleep well. God bless you, little one. Daddy loves you." And
as always, he brushed her cheek with a gentle kiss.

A few nights later when her daddy came in, Jenny was sitting on her bed
with her legs crossed Indian-style. As he came close, he noticed her chin
was trembling and one silent tear rolled down her cheek.

"What is it, Jenny? What's the matter?" Jenny didn't say anything but
lifted her little hand up to her daddy. And when she opened it, there was
her little pearl necklace. With a little quiver, she finally said, "Here,
Daddy. It's for you."

With tears gathering in his own eyes, Jenny's kind daddy reached out with
one hand to take the dime-store necklace, and with the other hand he reached
into his pocket and pulled out a blue velvet case with a strand of genuine
pearls and gave them to Jenny. He had them all the time. He was just waiting
for her to give up the dime-store stuff so he could give her genuine treasure.

So it is with our Heavenly Father. He is waiting for us to give up the cheap
things in our lives so that he can give us beautiful treasure.

Isn't God good? Are you holding onto things which God wants you to let go of?

Are you holding on to harmful or unnecessary partners, relationships, habits
and activities which you have come so attached to that it seems impossible to
let go of? Sometimes it is so hard to see what is in the other hand, but do
believe this one thing...

God will never take away something without giving you something, better to
take its place.

sometimes God might NOT give us something bigger and better instantly...i do not believe that is the way it works...but he gives us peace and joy and a relationship with Himself...and everytime i am feeling low i experience that He is a REAL and LIVING God, who cares, who is there, who loves me and carries me all the way...it's not the gifts that he can give us that should matter...it's just knowing Him!

Blessings! :-)

Happy Holidays...

wow...time flies...it's time for a little update i guess...
i just came back from two short-trips to Berlin and Dublin...

To Berlin i went with three friends very spontanously and i so enjoyed it! Before i left we didn't have much sun in Germany, but the day my holidays started until now the sun hasn't stopped shining and i really needed that after this loooong and cold winter!





To Dublin i went with my Mum....she always wanted to go to Ireland one day, after reading some novels about it...we stayed in a nice little hotel in Temple Bar and enjoyed the business of this crazy city, some Guiness of course, company of old friends, a day-trip to Wicklow and Glendalough and some good SHOPPING! :-)





what else is new? well, hmm... maybe it might be intersting to some of you that i met a cool christian guy in march and we have been getting to know each other over the last few months...so, yes, i'm in a relationship and it is really exciting!
i will keep you posted... *gg*

Miriam times 2

aaaaand...another OM reunion!!
it's been 5 years since these crazy dutch girls and I met in South Africa...a lot has changed in our lives since then, but our friendship remained!
and luckily Herman and Bonny from SA were in Mosbach on a conference the same weekend...so we could celebrate a little mini reunion of our Training Team 2003---
here are some pics of the boschkop survivors! :-)

Happy Valentines with Hosea!

it's valentines day...not such a big thing in germany, but i read something this morning and it feels like a valentines card from God...
i wanna share this with you:

"Then the Lord said to me: Go again, love a woman who is loved by a lover and is comitting adultery, just like the love of the Lord for the children of Israel, who look to other gods and love the raisin cakes of the pagans." Hosea 3,1

No human can comprehend God's love for his children! Our limited experience of human love hinders us from understanding God's unconditional love for us. We can see a picture of this love in the life of Hosea.
Hosea was a righteous man, but God told him to marry a sinful woman. Hosea obeyed and took Gomer as his wife. He cherished and treated her with dignity and respect. Never before had Gomer experienced this kind of love, but she soon grew dissatisfied. She began giving her affections to other men and finally she abandoned Hosea altogether. Other men used her until she had nothing left to give. Then they sold her into slavery. After this God gave Hosea an amazing command: "Go and buy her back." Despite the intense pain that Gomer had inflicted on him, God told Hosea to forgive her and pay any price to bring her back into his home.
God's message is clear: When we reject him and turn our devotion elsewhere, our rejection carries the same pain as an adulterous betrayal. After all God has done for us, it is incomprehensible that we should reject him. It is even harder to fathom that God could love us even after we have rejected, ignored and disobeyed him. Yet God's love is completely different from ours. His love follows us into the depths of our sinfulness until He reclaimed us. His love is undaunted when we run from him, and he continues to pursue us..." (H.Blackaby)

wow, that really touched me this morning...i forget so easily how passionate and strong the love of God is....and it makes me happy! it makes me wanna forget about my personal raisin cakes and come back to him once more...

2007/2008

Good-bye 2007 and welcome 2008!

it always strikes me how quick a year passes!!
i'm back home from the ship for over 2 years now...really scary thought!

i love the reviews in TV where they show all that has happened in 2007! i would love to see some kind of review like that from my own life...maybe God will show each of us a movie one day that sums up the highlights and lowlights of our life...who knows?

yeah, it's New Years, a good time to look back and make plans for the future.
when i look back at 2007, i can really say that it was a good year! i'm thankful for many nice memories, meeting old and new friends, saying good-byes and hellos, seeing new countries, visiting people and having guests, learning new things about God, about myself, getting the chance to develop some skills in my profession, seeing our cell-group growing together more and more, being involved in ministry and seeing people getting saved, ...
Thank you dear Father for every single minute of this past year! You are such an amazing and faithful God! Thank you for loving me and loving every person who reads this! This New Year 2008 is yours!
May we all get to know you better, love you more, serve you more faithfully and experience your love and goodness in a fresh way!
Bless us and use us to fulfill your purpose in this world!

Many blessings to all of you! Stay in touch!

a letter from hell...

hey guys! watch this and tell me what you think of it! watch it till the end though!

abundant life!

...soooo much has happened in the last few weeks!

where to start?

three weeks after my trip to thailand i sat in a plane again! this time with my friend Karin and the destination was Dublin! i really don't know how all these cheap airlines pay there bills (actually i don't wanna know!!), but i am glad they do their job!! ;-)

we planned to have a girls weekend off, but of course it turned out to be something totally different....as always when Doulos people meet...random and crazy stuff happens! i love it!! ;-)

anyway, my plans for this weekend were as boring as shopping and sightseeing...but it ended up being a road-trip with Dave and Marco to Belfast visiting Sandi!! We even got to see Andrew, Colin and Jennifer as well!!!

it wasn't just a fun time- even though i laughed so much that my facial muscles hurt!

i was so blessed to see all these great people again and i realized once more that there is such a strong bond of friendship between Douloids... i was just the happiest person i can be -sitting in this car (with Andrew in the trunk!) -being so surprised by God's goodness!

Thank you Dave for arranging all of it! :-)

Coming back to germany in the middle of the night i had to start my managment course in the morning! i am back at school!! for one year i will go to school every month for one week. the result will be something like a mentor for nursing-students and the position of a manager of a unit.

and i really like it! i think i will learn a lot this year and it is fun to be back in school....eben though we are all adults in this class...you fall back into this "school-feeling" ...and behaviour! :-)

i am even thinking of extending the course for another year to get some more qualifications...it's a scary thought, cause this would mean a real "career" ... the result of another year at school would be the leader or manager of all nurses in a hospital or old-age home, something like that, combined with business studies...i think it is called "superior nurse" in english (which sounds ridiculous!!)...

i never ever thought about it before and it would mean sacrificing a lot of time, energy and money (my hospital won't pay for this course, cause obviously every hospital needs just ONE superior nurse)...but it may be worth it!

i need a lot of wisdom with this decision!!

now, the last weekend i went to a retreat with my church...which was also great!

God challenged me to let go of attributes in my personality that i use to protect myself...which i wasn't really aware of...but i realize that i often laugh or make jokes just because people expect me to always be funny and entertaining and sarcastic...and i want to please them and maybe i even think that no one will "see" me, when i am just "normal"...

hm, difficult subject- cause where do i know from which character-trait is my real "me"? and what character-trait is just wearing a mask?

well....that's the stuff that keeps me busy at the moment...i guess that was enough for a quick update... ;-)

some random pics of the last few weeks:

amazing thailand!

i am back!!
i don't know why i was worried so much about this trip to thailand before...it was just great! i mean really great!
my friend eva and me did this group-travelling-thingie, which i don't like in general, but we were lucky to have a fun group of people!
we travelled about 3000km in 2 weeks, spending time in Bangkok, travelling up north to Chang Mei, visiting different national parks, sleeping in the jungle, trekking through the rainforest (by foot and by elephant!), driving around in TukTuks, doing boat-trips, riding bikes through villages, eating tons of yummieh thai-food (and learning how to cook green curry!), getting massages every other day, drinking Mai Tai every evening....finally we went to an island, Ko Chang and crashed at the beach before we had to go back home....
man, how i love travelling!
here are some pictures:

elephant trekking in the jungle

kids playing in the canals of Bangkok

rice fields in central thailand

beach on Ko Chang

handmade crafts in Chang Mei

on a lotus-farm near Bangkok

in a speed-boat on the Kwae River

i am really grateful for an awesome time, stunned by the beautiful nature in thailand!

aaaand i also have another reason to be thankful: my new flatmate Sara moved in while i was away and she is really a great person! it's fun getting to know her better and see that God has really brought the right girl along to share this flat with me! :-)

tomorrow i have to go back to work, but i'm actually looking forward to it...and the best motivation is anyway that i can start saving money now for my next trip.... :-)

32 things about me

i just read jessikas blog and follwed her example...


32 Things You May or May Not Know About Me

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. worked at at supermarket
2. waitress (very short experience cause i didn't do a very good job...)
3. washing dishes on a certain ship for one year...;-)
4. international-night coordinator (whatever that is! ;-))

Four movies I would watch over and over:
1. Harry and Sally
2. Bridget Jones
3. Love actually
4. Lost in translation


Four places I have lived:
1. Heidelberg, Germany
2. Cape Town, South Africa
3. Pretoria, South Africa
4. MV DOULOS

Four TV Shows that I watch:
(not regularly though)
1. Auf und davon (german documentary-soap about german au-pairs and their struggles in other cultures.....very funny!)
2. Popstars (like the IDOL-show in other countries)
3. TV Total (german comedian with a very black humor)
4. Türkisch für Anfänger (daily soap about a turkish-german patchwork family)

Four places I have been:
1. New York, USA
2. Victoria Falls, Zimbabwe
3. Stockholm, Sweden
4. Khartoum, Sudan


Four of my favorite foods:
1. Chinese and Thai-Food
2. all kinds of cakes and sweet stuff
3. fresh german bread with nutella
4. müsli and joghurt with fresh fruits

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. visiting friends around the globe
2. for example: Canada
3. Holland
4. South Africa

Things I am looking forward to in the coming year (2008):
1. Travelling to the US or Australia
2. Finishing my course in leadership (as a unit nurses leader)
3. taking my mum to Ireland
4. having old friends here to visit (that's an open invitation!)

by the way, i'm heading to thailand on saturday for a vacation with a friend...I'm a little nervous due to the political issues in burma and all the horrific stuff about plane crashes and hurricanes in the news....i KNOW that everything is in God's hands and i don't have to worry about a thing...but i'd still appreciate your prayers for us two girls! thanks guys! :-)

LIFE

i often wonder what it means when jesus says that he wants to give us LIFE and LIFE to the fullest (john10,10)...

i really love LIFE....just the miracle that i am, that i breathe, that i see, that i smell, taste, experience new things...the beauty of nature and seasons, the wonder of birth, the gift of friendship and love! it does amaze me often...especially in the last few weeks, since i came back from a dutch wedding of my friend mirjam from SA Training...i thought a lot about friendship and how important and vital my friends are to me! even though i don't see some of them often, due to the fact that a lot of my dearest friends live hundreds, even thousands of miles away--- the moment i see them again, like at the wedding, or talk to them at the phone...i am so blessed and thankful for each one of them! everyone is so unique and different from each other, but each of them touches me in a special way and i can just thank my God for them!
so that's something i realized and i wanna just let you know when you read this: i love you and even though i don't see you very often, you are soooooo important to me! :-)

unfortunately most of my time and energy is not spend with the things and people that i love the most...i feel so drained and tired at the moment!
i love my job, sometimes so much that it hurts, but it is challenging and hard and in the last few weeks i've had not much time off...and the little time i had was spend with other responsibilities and dutys...or crashed on my couch, not able to do anything but sleep...
i don't want to complain, i know each of you knows what i'm talking about: LIFE is not only fun and beauty and bliss...
but sometimes it seems like there is a balance between duties and fun...and sometimes there isn't...

and while i'm writing this and thinking about my LIFE and LIFE in general i wonder again what Jesus means when he says that he wants to give me life to the fullest? my life is full indeed...but i still feel like i am missing out on what he actually wants to give me, cause i am so freaking busy!

do you know what i mean??

what does "normal" actually mean??

You Are 55% Normal

While some of your behavior is quite normal... Other things you do are downright strange You've got a little of your freak going on But you mostly keep your weirdness to yourself

How Normal Are You?

i know that these little blog things are mostly for fun....but it kind of strikes me when i read something like this....cause i heard that before? or cause that's what i think in my heart? i know you shouldn't compare yourself with other people...but who doesn't do it?? of course i "feel normal" inside...but am i really?? :-)
okay guys, this is a serios question: do you think i am weird??
(if i don't like what you say i will simply delete it from my blog (and memory!)....so, don't hesitate to tell me the truth! ;-)